Comfort to Chaos

WOW!  I had no idea what to expect from training this last weekend.  This was the extra 12 hours that is not state required but I would HIGHLY recommend it if ever going down this path.  This is Project 127 specific and focuses on Love (Gods love for us and how we are called to love others), Attachment (how to specifically parent to foster and adopted children) and Faith (our faith in Gods plan).  This extra training is paramount, in my opinion.  Especially as a single woman with no children.  

Friday started with foster agencies (CPAs) coming in as a trade show style meeting.  We got the opportunity to talk to them, ask questions and ulitimately learn a little bit more about the process.  That was really great to meet a handful of them and learn what the different organizations offer.  Some only cater to foster specifically, some foster to adopt and also the counties specifically which focus on fostering.  I do feel led towards a specific CPA, but will do more research.  More to follow on this later.   The rest of the evening was all about Gods Love and the special gift we are given by being adopted by His love. 

Saturday was a heavy day..full of attachment, parenting foster children and ended the day with Faith.  This was amazing!  Bottom line, do not let fear get in your way.  We do not know the plan for our journey but He does and we need to have faith in that.  Did David know that he was going to be able to take down Galiath?  Not at all, but he had faith that God would take care of him, and he didn't wimper on his way, he stood tall and walked fast into the battle.

I can't even begin to tell you how I feel here but I will give it a shot.  I had to process all of this for well over 24 hours.  Probably the first time in my life where I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just needed solitude to work through some emotions.  What I know is that God is preparing my heart for something huge.  How could he open my eyes to what these little children have to endure (to absolutely no fault of their own) and not carry me through to do something to help.  If he changes the direction then I will follow, but I feel so grateful that I am able to help!  How could I learn all of this and turn back?!  I can never erase or forget what I have learned about the children suffering out there. Also my heart is opened to the parents and their healing and treatment.  They are obviously so hurt and broken and need help too.  I did not go into this thinking reunification of the children with their families would be most important but how could it not?  If the parents do what they need to, to heal, then they all deserve to be a family and I will be a safe, loving and healthy place for the child until that happens.  My heart breaks for the families that are ripped apart due to abuse, past damage/hurts, etc.  I want to be part of helping heal that.  If it so happens that a child will be up for adoption in my care, then we will walk that line at that time.

My world, I see shifting from comfort to chaos.  But what I do know about that..that is where the growth and the blessings come from.  We can't grow when we are comfortable and we sure are not learning anything about ourselves or others in that space of comfort either (in my humble opinion).  This last weekend also opened my eyes to a couple of important things about myself; #1 I am a control freak and I need to let that go immediately.  There is nothing I can do about any peice or part of the process.  The only thing I have control of is letting go of control.  #2 I have never been good at asking for help, that goes way back and now I am faced with a new life where I need a village and I am going to need to be committed to allowing people to help more than I am comfortable with and reaching out to ask for help.  If you are reading this and you are already a part of my village, please hold on tight because I need you! 

Being a woman that is 38, never married, no children to call my own...lately I have had the question of "where do I belong and where is my place" but right now in this moment, it seems loud and clear that God wants me doing this.  I am scared, nervous, excited, reserved, humbled, grateful, reluctant but as I keep saying, I will continue down this path to foster and potentially adopt unless God directs me otherwise.

Whew!  Until next time. :)

Comments

  1. AlissonFebruary 19, 2018 at 8:48 PM

    Awesome post! It is amazing what you are doing! Alisson

    ReplyDelete

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