My single Mom foster journey

I can't even begin to tell you how bittersweet this transition has been.  This journey, though hard, demanding, chaotic, dramatic...was and has been full of love, compassion and growth.  I don't really mark this the end of the journey at all, more so the beginning of a new story, for both my girl and I.  My prayer for her is to let the seed of love that was planted in her over the year, continue to grow and blossom.  She isn't in a very good area for that to grow right away, but I pray she will rise above that and be the love and light anyways. The last two weekends with her here visiting was good and also challenging.  Challenging because I could see the immediate changes within her.  She was inflammed, probably from the less than ideal food, stress, chaos, etc that she was thrown back into.  She had lost her motivation to be tutored and thrive within her education (for dreams to go to the Army and those seemed to have dimmed a bit).  She became...

I have been very emotional over the last 4-6 weeks as the transition approached.  I allowed so much to get the best of me and sometimes not in a good way.  I allowed my emotions to push me to say and act in insecure ways and I now know it was just my internal way of "dealing" with the unknown and major change that was unfolding.  I am confident that this journey has pushed me to grow in ways that I never would have and I am confident that I am a light in the world and allowing my emotions to dim that light, has been eye opening! Emotionally this is hard for a lot of reasons, but the biggest is watching her go from having the space to grow emotionally, mentally and physically, having her own quiet space to complete chaos, no boundaries, lack of supervision and unhealthy messages all around.  I can't help but be concerned for her continued growth.  But I have to trust that seeds were planted and pray that someday these messages and lessons will push and allow her...

It's been a minute since I posted on here.  Overall things seems calm, such a drastic change from the first 5 months right?!  This journey has taught me a lot about myself, being responsible for another human, putting my selfish needs on the backburner and also attachment. This girl will hopefully someday understand what she has done to my heart and soul.  Lately I cry a lot and I am so thankful for my friends that listen and allow me to process through my emotions.  Sometimes I cry over the smallest thing that doesn't make sense but deep down I know what is going on...the attachment I have to this girl is about to change.  To see the changes she has made within herself, blows me away, that a kid so young could grow so fast.  Those of you that know her and knew her in Sept can see it even.  She has blown me away with growth.  I have been so adament this whole time about, "I am ready for her to go, I can't do this"...the truth is, I don't know what...

I can't believe how time flies!  So not a whole lot to update but wanted to at least start an update since it has been a while. Since the last post I had an AMAZING soul vacation to Mexico, my annual retreat.  It makes my heart and soul so happy to escape life here in the city and retreat with amazing women.  We get a chance to be quiet and connect.  While there I had time to reflect on my life and what I want and although this isn't a blog about me and my future, being a foster Mom has really helped push me to see what it is that my soul wants.  I am longing for deep connections and a lot slower paced life.  In time that will happen.. My first Mothers Day had me so emotional!  I woke up and couldn't help but be flooded with emotion thinking about how different my perspective on the day had changed, in just 8.5 months!  Thinking back to what it has meant to me to be a mother to an abused and neglected kid that had a really rough first 10 years of...

We had another family update meeting 2 weeks ago and to everyones surprise,  tt went pretty good and looks/sounds as if Mom and the other siblings are starting to grow on their journey as well. Mom has her own place now (I think leaving Dad has helped her come out of her shell and the kids see that as strength) and has 2 siblings living with her now and so the transition back home has started!  I did have a special moment with her Mom, telling her that I am here to encourage and help her however I can.  She seemed appreciative of that.  There is a big language barrier but she understood me. So I will continue to encourage and help empower her. I have no clue what the next couple of months hold for the process but I know that my job remains; to keep her consistent, focused on school, in activities, respecting boundaries and connecting with other kiddos.  The bonds that she has built since in my home are pretty great.  She has grown so much, I can't eve...

The last 6 weeks have been really good!  Leaving for the weekend in January was the best thing that I could have done for myself and my girl.  I was to the point of breaking at that point and I know she felt it, we have even talked about it recently and how glad we both are to see this massive emotional shift in us both.   We get along great and I have a renewed compassion and empathy for her stuff when she talks to me... unless it has to do with 11 year old pre hormonal girl drama and talking about boys, that stuff is really annoying. Sorry Dad LOL.   We are able to have some good conversations and I recognize her ability to talk about her emotions and she is starting to be able to shuffle through the emotions, meaning she knows how to recognize if she is hurt, sad, mad, frustrated, etc.  Where as before she had no clue.  I praise her often about how I see how much she is growing up and emotionally doing so well.  She agrees and really enjoy...