3 Months later...

It is so hard to believe my time fostering her is past me.  I have been able to decompress and process life through a "normal" lens the past 3 months.  Slowing down, balancing my nervous system and regaining my new normal again has been my life.  If you are my friend on Facebook you have seen that I have went through the process of becoming a CASA which really seems to fit what I am able to give at this point in my life.  After a year of single foster parenting, I know what a good CASA looks like and I feel like I have a lot to give these kiddos.  The kids that are thrown into the system need some stability, someone they can count on, someone they can learn to trust and someone who will show up for them in person and in court.  I feel like a lot of people probably sign up to be a CASA thinking it will be an easy task and not a lot of commitment.  The commitment comes from within your heart.  Knowing that these kids need you and need a mentor, desperately. 

Lets back up and share with you truly how messed up the system is.  To noones fault other than the system and the rules, guidelines and standards that everyone is forced to fall within.  

My kiddo was put on some medication back when she was with me and I personally noticed a calm seep into her body from a mix of that and therapy.  She had no way to handle her emotions, navigating that was impossible for her on her own.  Once she moved back home I could sense the dysfunction, chaos and lack of boundaries and accountability seeping back into her life. School is hard for her and still to this day, approaching 3.5 months of school, she hasn't made it through a full week of school.  But there is no accountability or consequences to that.  She has figured out how to get out of school and stay home doing whatever she wants all day.  The behavior and attention seeking stuff has started back up and her Mom doesn't know how to keep her in line.  I get it though, it is tough.  And Mom has 3 jobs just to keep things going around there. She is doing her absolute best, I do trust that. 

Medicaid stopped paying for her medication and therapy about a month into her moving back home, her CASA didn't show up and she didn't have any calm in her life...all at once.  Can you imagine that as an adult?  I understand that we are not meant to be on medication forever and I do not support ongoing medication unless necessary, but she is a kid in a really shitty situation that needs this AND structure.  To which she has NONE of, so how is she supposed to succeed?  I am left having to release my fear and control because there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.  Other than walk alongside her and love her along the way, being a positive influence, mentor and woman in her life.  You would think the caseworker would be able to get this going again but almost 2 months later, nothing.  This child feels defeated and forgotten by the system that was stepping up to help her so in turn acts out in ways that most of us adults don't understand. 

This is where a CASA SHOULD come into play.  She has a CASA, and she is a very nice person but not reliable and doesn't show up when she says she will (8 times out of 10), I have no idea if anything is put into her report that needs to be taken back to the judge.  But that is where the CASA is supposed to show up, especially when the kid is living in a negative unsupporting environment. And especially when going from a foster home back home to chaos, someone needs to be there to take notes to pass onto the judge so that the judge can order specific things to stay in place, like medication and therapy. But since she has moved home 3.5 months ago, to my knowledge her CASA has physically shown up 3 times.  Many more were told to the kids that she would be there, only to get canceled on.  How frustrating is that for these kids. 

This is my venting platform and to share with you all that there are people desperately needed within the system, in any capacity.  When I showed up at my first team meeting last week, it set off a trigger within me.  A good trigger though!  A feeling of OMG I am blessed to be in a position to help these kids that need me!!  Now knowing that being a full time single Mom to a traumatized, unnurtured kid was not something I could do again alone. I wanted to still be able to help and CASA is it.  That is my way to stay within the system and truly be a childs voice in the system.  

Thank you as always for continuing to follow this journey.  It has been life, heart and soul changing on a level I could have never even dreamed of. I will remain in my kiddos life forever I would imagine, attempting to bring love and trust into her life and my hope for those of you reading this that know her, will find ways to do the same. Those of you that don't know her, my challenge to you is to attempt finding somewhere that you can help these foster kids, in any capacity.  If you want to learn more about CASA, please do reach out to me or your local chapter to learn more. xoxo

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