The official transition

I can't even begin to tell you how bittersweet this transition has been.  This journey, though hard, demanding, chaotic, dramatic...was and has been full of love, compassion and growth.  I don't really mark this the end of the journey at all, more so the beginning of a new story, for both my girl and I.  My prayer for her is to let the seed of love that was planted in her over the year, continue to grow and blossom.  She isn't in a very good area for that to grow right away, but I pray she will rise above that and be the love and light anyways.

The last two weekends with her here visiting was good and also challenging.  Challenging because I could see the immediate changes within her.  She was inflammed, probably from the less than ideal food, stress, chaos, etc that she was thrown back into.  She had lost her motivation to be tutored and thrive within her education (for dreams to go to the Army and those seemed to have dimmed a bit).  She became lazier than normal, slept a lot and wanted to continuously eat snacks, which I know is a by product of stress and an inability to deal with the stress and emotions.  Sitting back and watching it all unfold was pretty hard and as I sit here reflecting on it, my heart breaks a little for her.  Having to watch children play out their story is hard!!  I worked hard to instill some good habits within her and again, I pray that someday those will come back into light for her.  Afterall, that is why I started this right?  To be a good woman in a childs life, to help show her a good path to stroll down, know her worth, teach her to be herself and speak her truth. 

What is in store for me you might wonder..quiet time.  This last year has been very intense and something I could have never truly planned for emotionally.  The last 2 weeks while she was with her Mom, have literally been down time for me.  To unwind, decompress and process what in the hell just happened!?  It will be time for me to move one foot in front of the other and figure out what is next for me. 

I am excited to announce that I am going to take the next steps to become a CASA.  I think I talked about this at one point but if not, that is Court Appointed Special Advocates for abused and neglected children.  I have been a part of the organization at a board and investor level for 7+ years and now feel that I am ready to take the next step to do the training to become an advocate myself.  Now having put a year into full time foster parenting, I know that I have the time, emotional strength and resource knowledge to be a great CASA.  So I start that training Sept 5th. I am excited to stay in the foster system.  I think I would consider taking in another kiddo once I am in a committed relationship...doing this alone isn't something I am willing to do again, at this point.

I am going to do a quick plug for CASA since I am a part of the board, recruiting committee and feel a strong passion for the organizations need for help. Wherever you live, if this is something you think you might be interested in or know someone that might be, please reach out!  I know in our county alone (Adams/Broomfield), we have 1600 foster kids in the system and just over 500 CASAs, so as you can see, we are in desperate need.  These foster kids NEED a CASA and don't even know it.  They play a very important role in the kids life, they represent being a friend to the kid.  When a child is surrounded by case workers, attorneys, judges, therapists, social workers, foster parents, etc, having a friend is soooo important to them.  They visit the kiddo(s) 2-4 times a month for an hour at a time, write reports for the court and attend the court hearings (or the supervisor does).  If being a CASA doesn't resonate with you, there are other ways to be involved with the organization.  Reach out, please!

Now that my girl is back at her Moms and I don't know when I will see her again, I am definitely grieving a loss of something so real.  And I didn't really expect to feel this way.  We cried hard last night, her friends and I stood in the driveway as she took off, just hugging and crying.  I am happy to see her move on, sad at the lifestyle she will be living but proud of her growth, love and heart.  I will continue to do updates as I have them on her.  In the meantime, thank you all so much for following my journey with her. Your continued love and support means so much to both of us!

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