Adjusting...seriously

Ok how come nobody told me parenting full time would be exhausting on all levels??  LOL, I am sure I would not have cared or believed them anyways.  I kept hearing the message, "this is going to be so hard but such a blessing and you may not see the blessing in the midst of it all".  So true!  My girl has a big heart and wants to heal, I see that because she writes a lot and talks to her therapists a lot.  She is working through her stuff in a healthy way and I am here to guide her to continue doing that!

I am not able to share on here what her trauma is, that is her story to hell. What I will tell you is that I (those around me that are getting close to her) have 10 years of love and healthy attention to make up and give her, teach her to give and recieve, etc.  She has told her story to a couple of friends at school and that may have backfired on her so I am hoping that she continues to be brave with her story but remembers who it's appropriate to tell.

She has made some great friendships already through the kids that are active in my life.  I am SOOO thankful for that and for the healthy childlike friendships she is making.  The mission right when she moved in was to help her remain a 10 year old.  Having older siblings, she was exposed to TV, youtube, music that a 10 year old should be exposed to.  She thought when she moved in here that it was normal but I have helped her realize what is appropriate and what isn't...so she enjoys kid appropriate shows (as do I now LOL).  Allowing her to be a 10 year old is something I don't think she has ever had the opportunity to do.  I tear up when I hear her singing the theme song to Muana in the backseat.  Allowing her to be a 10 year old is a gift I don't think she realizes is a gift quite yet. 

The honeymoon stage is definitely over.  I am seeing the emotional behavior that would be more expected. I am encouraging her (as well as her therapists) to talk about her emotions, cry when she wants to cry, be angry, sad, depressed, happy, etc but most importantly to feel the emotions, not bury them or show them in an inappropriate way.  We have continuous talks about how healthy it is to cry and to talk about our feelings and if she continues down this path, she will be a lot healthier than most adults by the time she is 15. Does she understand that? Probably not but that is why it is a continuous talk and leading by example. 

The weeks are filled with therepy, Mom visits, caseworkers, CASA play time, etc so by the time the weekend comes...we like to play hard and relax even harder.  As a 38 year old, all that is hard for me so I can't even imagine how it is for her.  So I make sure there is a fair amount of downtime for her to relax and process over the weekend.  The caseworker brought up permanency last week, not adoption but more like legal guardianship because the parents don't seem to have any desire to fix what is wrong with the situation and she doesn't see them terminating parental rights either.  Sooo that should be interesting as we go along.  "Marie" did ask me last weekend if I would adopt her...I was speechless and all I could say was "we will see what happens honey".   Her heart is so big and she wants so badly to be "normal" without issues but this is her journey and we will walk alongside her!!! 

This weekend has been great!  We went to the mountains to see the fall colors and hike around a bit.  It was a fun adventure for us to take her on.  She had a blast!  On the way home, she shut down and got really quiet, when we got home she cried and told me she missed her family.  There are a lot of boundaries in place for me allowing phone calls and being a Saturday night, I had noone to ask...so my response was "want to talk to Aunt Janel" and she beamed with excitement!  My sister and her haven't even met yet and Marie feels very blessed to have such a loving and goofy aunt to have in her life!

All in all, we are doing good over here. Adjusting will continue to happen, love will continue to be given/recieved and prayers are still requested.  Thanks for reading!  

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