The Holidays

Well since the last post we have kicked off the Holiday season!  Halloween was really fun for her, she says that she has never got to go trick or treating so she enjoyed it, thoroughly.  Of course I limited the sugar she got to keep out of that massive amount that she collected lol.  What I have noticed is that she has enormous emotional issues after eating large amounts of sugar so that is limited here and I request that people that spend time with her limit that also.  I know we are programmed to reward kids with sugar and when spending time with them, why not give them sugar to show our love...well I don't support that here anymore at all.  With an emotionally charged kiddo with a lot of past trauma, the sugar does her absolutely no good then I am left to pick up her pieces or help her pick them up rather. 

Thanksgiving was nice and relaxing, we had one of my best friends and her family over and had a nice meal.  She seemed to enjoy herself although I can see that this time of year is going to be emotional for her, being away from her family.  The next day we got up to decorate the house and she cried a lot going through the day. Her birthday is next Wed so we are having a party for her Saturday so that love and attention should be fun for her.  The goal between now and the first of the year is to keep her busy so she doesn't have to think too much about other stuff.  It was really hard to be out with friends on Black Friday for our new tradition and NOT be able to include her in the photos.  In one you can see a part of her face and in the other she is standing behind me.  She knows that she can't and reminds me of this.  It is so hard because she is part of my family, yet I can't show that online anywhere. 

Our life has become routine and structured yet chaotic. There is literally something going on for her Monday through Friday, leaving little time and no emotional space to focus on homework.  I have a meeting this week with her teacher and school counselor to see how we can get on the same page and help set her up for success.  With her busy life, I am overwhelmed so I can't even imagine how she feels..then the pressure of getting homework done, forget it!  It is a daily battle between her and I.  A tutor is in her future, so I will be making calls this week for that.  Surely there has to be some way we can work through this?!   They have added in another visit with one of her sisters during the week so we shall see how the behavior is affected.  Once we get through one behavior spike, there is something new that starts so it has been a challenge for me to get used to this.  I don't know how the visits are assiting her in growth or healing, maybe that isn't even the point...I have no clue at this point, but she definitely isn't growing and I think the weekly reminder of her situation doesn't help her, but again..what do I know!  I don't make the rules, I just have to go along with them, report behavior and advocate for her..so that is what I am doing.

Today I went back to that support group I had attended months ago.  I was so happy to be back!  Now I can relate with them, they give me a look of "me too", silent hugs and support.  A safe place to vent, cry, laugh, uplift and encourage other foster parents, YES PLEASE!  What took me so long to go back?!  I absolutely love and adore each and everyone of my friends and parents in my life..having additional support from other foster parents is absolutey priceless!  My girl actually enjoyed the childcare as well.  She thinks she is a teenager and too old for childcare but when I go to pick her up, she doesn't want to leave.  I think for her, being surrounded by other foster kids of all ages was good for her.

I need to give a shout out to the movie Instant Family.  WOW! For anyone wanting to know the real struggles, truth, joys, etc to foster care, this movie is a must!  I should have read more about it to see the depth because I took my girl...she cried through 80% of it, the other 20% she was saying "yea that is me!", even when the teenager flipped the foster Mom off, oh goodie LOL!  After the movie she threw up and I believe it was because of the emotional turmoil she just went through.  I don't regret taking her because everything happens for a reason and maybe she can see a peice of what it can be like for other kids in the foster system, what us foster parents go through and also for me to see what the kids can be like and what they are going through.

This is by far the hardest thing I have walked through.  I question myself on a daily basis, I wonder how long I can do this, how much more shitty behavior I can handle, how many more nights I can tuck myself into bed feeling defeated and how many more visits have to happen before she can reverse the behavior of the product from what she was raised around.  To all the support in my life, THANK YOU for listening to me cry and vent, thank you for not inserting your opinion into my situation, thank you for the silent hugs and overall, thank you for being close to me and not leaving my side.  I kept hearing before getting her into my home that there will be many blessings, but the liklihood of me seeing those blessings right away was not likely, that is the truth!  I 100% see her growing in some areas so that is amazing! I see her respecting boundaries, listening more, not as dramatic, cleaning up after herself and getting very good and open with her feelings and emotions.  I don't want you to read this and think I am a downer...the point of this blog is to be real and raw, to tell you all that everything is amazingly awesome all the time wouldn't be me.   

As we get deep into the holiday season, prayers and love would be so appreciated and again, if you see me...a silent hug is ALWAYS appreciated.  And if I start to cry, just know that your love and embrace is all I need in that moment.  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!  I will report back in after the fun and busy holiday season!